I've been feeling relatively normal for being as pregnant as I am-
almost eight months now- that it almost feels like one day, I'll be
going about my business as usual, then I'll go into labor and we'll
suddenly have a kid. Almost like we'll be going from our normal life
with just the two of us and our dogs to the huge transition of life
with a child. OK, so yes, of course that is obvious… but most
pregnant women I have known have been miserably anxious to get the kid
out already, and for some reason I've been fortunate enough to not have
experienced the majority of common pregnancy side effects. While I count my blessings for that, I feel like
I've lacked the transition phase that comes with the typical pregnancy.
I'm not sure that makes sense to anyone but me, and of course we have
spent the past several months adjusting to and preparing for and
embracing this forthcoming change, but it still feels like a huge leap because I feel way more normal than I think I should.
With less than six weeks to go until her due date, my head is spinning
with to-do lists and ideas and anxiety and eagerness to meet this
precious little girl. My shower is coming up and I couldn't be more
excited. And in spite of the reality of it all, I completely feel like
I'm living in a dream. The fact that we are thisclose to the arrival of our baby is surreal to me… still. We have been working diligently on the nursery for the past couple of weekends and when I stand next to the newly-built crib or sit in the glider I still can't fathom the idea of there actually being a baby in that crib, or in my arms as I rock back and forth. I still wake up wondering how this is my life. Not in a bad way- not in
the sense that I don't want this life. I wouldn't trade any part of
what and who I have in my life, not even for a day. I suppose I'm simply
in sheer awe of it all.
Perhaps on a chilly day in January, when I look into the eyes of our daughter, I will wake
up from this dream. I don't think anything will make my life more real,
more complete, more purposeful than moving forward in this journey
alongside my dear husband. We have had a very difficult first two years of marriage, but not the type of difficulty that has torn us apart- although it almost did. Almost. But, amazingly, in the end we only became closer and our love and appreciation deepened for one another, which fills us with hope for the future and confidence to take on what lies ahead. In spite of everything we have been through,
all we have lost, and the uncertainty ahead of us, all of those things
pale in comparison to our new life, one that is of
more worth than I'm sure I can even comprehend right now. Maybe I will understand it someday, but right now I'm in a whirlwind. God is moving
in our lives every day and we are so thankful for that. What can
possibly be more exciting?