Using the F-word with abandon. Or, my blog sucks.

K, so I'm a week behind on starting this (if you know me, this should not be shocking AT ALL), but I'm stoked to say that I've joined the ProBlogger Summer Challenge with the SITS Girls Community on BlogFrog! Assignment one: Develop an Elevator Pitch.

Let's say you're stuck in an elevator with someone who you're DYING to connect with. You have ten seconds to entice them to give you a second thought beyond the elevator ride. What do you tell this person?

Dooce, the mother of all mom bloggers, was my inspiration when I started blogging in 2007 at a different time in my life, when I didn't even have the mommy-blogger thing going on yet. I was able to write relatively funny posts back then, but apparently one of the side effects of being a new mom zapped me of any ability to be funny. My mojo grew legs and moved to Timbuktu because IT WAS NOT READY TO BE A DADDY YET. (I have yet to receive one child support check from that lousy S.O.B. Mojo? YOU OWE ME.) And now? Mom bloggers are a dime a dozen, if we're gonna be honest. On the flip-side, it's emerged as a bona-fide profession. So what makes me stand out? Why did I start this little blog in the first place?

The truth? Because a year ago, when I learned I was going to be a mom, I didn't even know what to say. And apparently I lost my sense of humor. So I started a blog.

Made perfect sense to my pregnancy-clouded brain.

It was a place for me to process this whole mom-to-be thing. And write about how all I wanted to do was barf. And while I have friends and family who read it faithfully, I originally intended to build a readership outside of that sphere, and I never did. Needless to say, the lack of comments doesn't make me feel very interesting. Ha!

(That's your cue to leave a comment. In case you were confused about what to do next.)

Truly, my tag line sums up my original purpose nicely: "When motherhood and all its joys catch you completely by surprise." It's been there since the beginning, and it hasn't changed. Everything about the experience of becoming a mom has taken me by surprise. And I have discovered things along the way that would be helpful to other moms who are only beginning this journey, and I want to learn from others who have been where I am going. So if I could expand it to a ten-second pitch- if I were in an elevator with Heather (maybe someday we'll be on a first-name basis. OK, maybe not)- here's how that conversation would go:

(Pretend with me for a second that she would actually be interested in anything I have to say.)

The Pitch:

Me: "Hi Heather, you probably get this all the time, but I adore your blog and the fact that you shamelessly write out the f-word like your grandma isn't reading your blog, even though she probably is. I'm a mom blogger too, but I don't use the f-word."

Heather: "Another mom blogger? NO WAY. What's your spin on motherhood? And how do you NOT use the f-word? It is a rite-of-passage in the mommy-blogger world, after all."

Me: "It's called Baby Steps to Mom: When motherhood and all its joys catch you completely by surprise. I share stories, tips and fun finds from one novice mom to another. And I don't want to be judged for using the f-word, even though I'm perfectly OK with being judged by my breastfeeding choices."

Heather: "It's pure genius, I declare! On that note, I'll tell you what. If I had a nickel for every mommy blogger I met in an elevator, I'd be a $%@&ING MILLIONAIRE. Have a nice day!"

See? I still can't bring myself to use the F-word with the abandon she does. Not even in a fake conversation where I'm quoting a fake Heather Armstrong. Maybe if I start dropping f-bombs on a regular basis, I will build an interested readership that leaves TONS of comments on all my wit and charm! But, let's be serious, people. I'm not ready to do that.

My grandma actually does read this blog.

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6 thoughts on “Using the F-word with abandon. Or, my blog sucks.

  1. I love your blog!! I love that it IS clean!!! However, I double dog dare you to get preggo today and have two under two…. That is where my expletives started! J/k. Sigh.

  2. Andrea, your blog in NO WAY sucks. I enjoy reading your rants! (not that they can really be called rants) My theory is this: You have a pretty close to perfect child, motherhood comes naturally to you – therefore, nothing to blog about! LOL!
    Keep up the good work, you’re doing awesome!
    I concur with the comment above – double TRIPLE dog dare you to have another! 😉
    Have a great day! Keep writing!

  3. I enjoy your blog, but don’t always have a chance to comment. I’ve learned a few things from you,and I’m not a new mom! Keep it up!

  4. Use of the F word only demonstrates that user does not have a comprehensive ability to use the englis language. C from Strawberry

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