One year ago: Dear Linnea.

Dear Linnea,

One year ago, my life changed forever and ever. One year ago, I learned that I had a little one growing in my belly. That little one is you.

On May 13, I woke up feeling a little funny- shaky legs, weak, nauseous. I thought I was anemic again- I was borderline in college, so I thought I needed to find a family doctor so I could go get checked out. I texted my (clairvoyant) friend Jessica to ask if they had a family doctor she would recommend, and her response?

"ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

Apparently if she so much as thinks that someone is pregnant, there's a 100% chance that she is.

I denied that it was even a possibility, even though it completely was. I mean, after all, I was actually starting to wonder if your dad and I could even have kids, because honestly at that point it was kind of crazy that we hadn't gotten pregnant yet. And three days before this fateful day, we had a discussion about whether or not we even wanted kids- we were so not ready to have one that we thought, heck, we'll probably just be fine if we never have kids! 

But with the idea firmly planted in my head, I started to do some research online. And as I learned things I never knew about the symptoms of pregnancy, all of which I had, and I thought about the happy hour I was planning to attend later in the week with my friends, where I would probably have a couple of beers, and that if I'm pregnant I can't have any beers, so I'd better be sure that I'm not before I go, I made that fateful if not prophetic trip to Walgreens to pick up a pack of pregnancy tests, where I was ambushed by an employee whose sister had an eerily parallel story to mine, and said employee was super excited for the child that may or may not be residing in my uterus. If that run-on sentence is any indication of the whirlwind that day was, the events leading up to the positive outcome of the pregnancy test I took pales in comparison to the emotions I felt when I learned that I was the mother I wasn't even sure I wanted to be.

But now I'm your mom, and I can't imagine my life any other way. You were a big surprise, but the best surprise I've EVER received. You're a miracle and a life-changer. You're an angel on earth. Sometimes I wonder if you were timed to save my life, but even if none of the medical issues I've faced since learning of you were even there, I wouldn't question the gift that you are. I never thought I would want more than one kid if I was blessed with one (because no matter what, kids are a blessing), but now you're here and your daddy and I want to give you a brother or sister. But, my little one, if you are the only one God has planned for us, we are completely OK with that. You have filled my heart to the point that I think it would just burst at any time, and I wouldn't change the outcome of that day if my life depended on it.

So, on this anniversary of the discovery of you, I am on my way with you and Auntie Jessica for a girls' weekend in California with Auntie Amber. I love that we're spending this time with my dearest friends who were there from the very beginning of my journey toward knowing and loving you. But the best thing of all is that you are here with us. A happy, healthy little girl so full of life and joy for whom I will be forever grateful.

Yes, indeed. One year ago, my life changed forever and ever. I will never forget that special day as long as I live. And now I'm going to go wake you up from your nap so I can kiss your precious cheeks over and over and appreciate that you are in my life and in my heart for the rest of my days.
P1000633
P1000593
With all my love,

Mama

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “One year ago: Dear Linnea.

  1. Allison- Those Bumbos are pretty fantastic- and babies look so darn cute in them!
    Kelly- She TOTALLY has a mullet… her hair just grew that way. I’m not sure what to think, or do, about that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s