There is no occasion for me to write you a letter today, other than the fact that I am head-over-heels in love with you. Often I have these moments when I look at your little face and my heart is filled with such overwhelming joy that I could burst, I am that crazy about you. Your newborn reflexes have all but disappeared, but they have been replaced with a whole new set of curiosities that are such a joy to discover. Every day I think to myself, "I wish I could freeze this moment in time…" I see now that this is promise of that much more to cherish in the future that Daddy and I will share with you. I carry you around everywhere and you hold your little head up and look at everything around you; you reach out for things now, and you follow us with your eyes wherever we go. You sleep with your tiny arms up in the air and I'll check in on you and I always want to pick you up and hold you, but I don't want to wake you so I let you be. The nape of your little neck smells like what I imagine Heaven smells like; sweet and soft and calming and beautiful. A scent that takes me to a place I don't yet know. This is the gift of motherhood- the closest I will ever come to understanding God's love for us.
When I look at you I can't help but want so much for you; to protect you from anything that could hurt you, to save you from everything bad in this world; but I know that simply won't happen. It's strange, but true, that in the end even bad things can turn out to be for our best. And I want the best for you, my darling little girl. God willing, I will give you my best.
There's this look you get on your precious face whenever you're propped up on someone's shoulder, and you're looking around, and your eyebrows are raised and you're all bright eyes, and your rosebud mouth is open in inquiry, and… oh my goodness. You're so adorable. That's it- that's the face that I will see in my final moments, that's the face that I will remember forever in my heart of hearts as the beautiful face of my little angel.
I never could have understood how amazing
being your mom would be without God's good grace in my life. And to think that He loves you infinitely more than even I do… that is a miracle in and of itself. Linnea, I love you so much. You are a tremendous blessing and I am so proud that you are mine. The years ahead of us are highly anticipated, but I will count every moment more precious than gold in the meantime.